You will be soon headed for a trash can. Before that happens, I want to share what you've meant to me over the years.
You'll be in the trash because even the cleaning lady says no one wants them down in Mexico. She'll take anything, including broken DVD players, but you aren't good enough for poor Mexicans. If it were up to me, I'd figure out a way to keep you with me another 6 years, but the woman (always the woman) won't let me. She says the hole that exposes my thigh-pubes is too much for the public. She says it's time to give up and get a new pair. As if that's easy.You've been with me on the beach. You've been with me in the snow. You've been with me when I'm late. You've been with me when I didn't know where to go. Like a loyal puppy, you never asked questions. Like Brett Favre, you showed up to work, even if you were beaten up from the long short-wearing season we have here in Houston. Rarely did I need to put a belt on you after a week's worth of wearing. I've put on and lost weight. Yet, you were always ready to step in and get the job done.
When our relationship first began to blossom, you were a nice faded green. Now, you are just faded. The thigh-pube showing hole isn't your only issue, but in the past you've always been able to cover up for your weaknesses with grit and effort. For that, I'll never forget you. A workman effort from a workman pair of shorts.
So, now it's on to one of a couple pair of navy cargos. You know the two candidates well. They were the ones always below you in the dresser. They only got work when you needed a break. Now they'll be asked to fill bigger roles. Only time will tell if they have what it takes. This is like a fledgling reliever trying to step up and become a starter for a world series contender.
In closing, Green Shorts, I want you to know there will never be another pair like you. All good things must come to an end. But unlike Brett Favre, there will be no comeback. Be proud of the fact that you started and ended your career in the same place. That's rare these days.
Enjoy retirement. Perhaps there's life after Scotty's legs. Maybe look into broadcasting.
Best wishes and see you in hell,
Scotty
